Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
