I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
