so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize