If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You smell like stripper and shame
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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