my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
