we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
