Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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