The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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