I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
