One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
