Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I have aggressive nipples.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
