I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Farmville is her only friend.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
