so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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