I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
