I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
