i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
