Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
