You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize