Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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