We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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