apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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