Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize