oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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