Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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