Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My Higher Power is John Stamos
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
