I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize