i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
