Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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