i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's never too late to be topless.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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