Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
