beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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