I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
