It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
