we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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