Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
