Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
