I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
