if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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