We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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