if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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