dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
