Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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