Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
