dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
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