Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
