Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My liver just broke up with me...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I am mentally ready for anal.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize