so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
