Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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