You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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