I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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