I just pynch a tree in the face
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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