I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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