dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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