Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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