I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
