That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
