My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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