Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
