K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize