The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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