Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize