Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
