The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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