Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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