You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Also, beer. Big fan.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
