it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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