my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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