i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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