Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
