You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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