I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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