Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
