I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize