would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
