just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
