If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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