i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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