Pappa wants mamma naked
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
