I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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