Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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