A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
