This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
