This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He is an equal opportunity slut.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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