I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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