dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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