He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
