SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
