Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
now i know why i became what i already was.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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