dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize