I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize